This guide's notes, whilst written in a satirical way do currently stand true as of patch 14.7 this written part of the guide is mapside dependent and isn't very wordy as the notes of the guide are the primary source of information. So Please actually read through those. With that out of the way let us continue.

So, the LoL god's have given you Top Spawn/Red Spawn. This is actually better for you than one might imagine as it has the easier clear of the two spawns.

Before camps come up I recommend putting a ward in the Enemy Blue Buff to see where they're starting.
There is two main pathings for this side:
1. Raptors -> Red Buff -> Kruggs -> Gank (If possible) or Back
2. Raptors -> Enemy Blue Buff -> Red Buff -> Kruggs -> Gank or Back.
Tips:
If you are low after clearing Kruggs on the 1st pathing, wait for your passive to heal you as much as it can before using your red potion.
If you are low after clearing the Enemy Blue Buff or the enemy jungler came, proc your potion as you get away, if the enemy jungler is on you ping for help.
Then you buy the first back items.

So the LoL Gods have given you Bot/Blue Spawn. This is a little more challenging of a spawn due to the walls of the map however it's still a free game if you can secure the early ganks.

Before camps come up I recommend putting a ward, either between the Enemy Red Buff and Raptors or just on the Enemy Red Buff to see where they're starting.
There is only one safe pathing for this side:
Wolves -> Blue Buff -> Gromp -> Gank/Back
Then you buy first back items.

Regardless of if you get the top side gank or not, check Bot lane for one, if there is and they are:

Pushed up: Come through the middle of river closer to your side of the Jungle put W on the highest health enemy and engage the lowest health first to try to secure a kill or allow a team mate to do so for you (they will appreciate it) then proc the charm to keep the higher health enemy on you so you and your allies can finish them off.
Middle of lane: Ghost is ideal here. Either hold against the enemy side of jungle as you pull into the middle of bot lane or cut through the bush that leads through the enemy's side of the jungle.

If the botlane gank isn't possible just clear your bot side and aim for bottom scuttle, keeping your eye open for a gank bot or mid.

If you get the gank off, clear your bot side:
Scuttle -> Bot Lane Camp -> Bot Side Buff -> Mid Lane Camp
and set your eyes upon midlane for a gank. If you can't get it, back.

This is the starting point of the Early-Mid Game.

This is the mid game. If you're K/D/A is positive and you have Dark Seal stacks, congrats you're a step ahead, but you have to keep the flow.

Around this point of the game Void Grubs/Drake have already spawed. You will want to take Grubs over First Drake as it heavily impacts the game later Make sure you've cleared this before 10 minutes, preferably with 2 minutes of lee way as Grubs have an individual timer of 4 minutes to respawn. Make sure you get at least 2 of them, regardless of if an ally is helping or if you get attacked as the gold/exp gain is enough to push you to level 5 and if you do get attacked on them, 2 will prevent the Enemy from getting Void mites even if they take all 3 on the next one. Soloing this is risky so ensure safety by having a Health Potion.

If a laner isn't listening to the call for Void Grubs look for Ganks Top and Mid. If you haven't hit every gank opportunity prioritise the lane which the enemy has pushed in the most. After you get Void Grubs look for a gank in the opposite lane to what you ganked, For example Mid if you ganked Top. Then clear out your Top side camps and back if you have enough for your first item.

If the enemy hasn't taken Drake even after your assumed massacre, ward it and ping for ***itance, if bot lane is free they should come after pushing their wave. If they aren't free look for a gank in their lane and ward the river bush with your control ward as you push up.

For the rest of the game you should be prioritising Objectives whilst looking for picks and ganks, ensuring you have good vision across the map from here on your choice of vision trinket is a matter of preferance. If you like objective vision stick with the stealth ward, if you like to shut off enemy stealth wards and see over walls use oracle lens. Where possible help with towers as Evelynn can melt towers towards the later side of the game due to Lich Bane's on hit effect, just remember to use your Q to activate it.